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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Your updated list of Israeli political parties as seen from Timbuktu

For those of you who are trying to figure out Israeli political parties, here's a list of them as seen from Timbuktu.
Am Shalem Chaired by Rabbi Chaim Amsallem -The people can only be complete trough me, my minions! Believe!
Balad - The National Democratic Assembly Of The Arab Clans Inshallah /Fires AK int the air/
Brit Olam Legeulat Yisrael Chaired by Ofer Lifschitz -Is this a kabbalistic book? Do I get an amulet?
Chaim Bekavod - That would not be bad.
Da-am - Workers Party Chaired by Asama "Agvaria" Arafat - Nothing ominous here, move along...
Dor Bonei Haaretz Chaired by Efraim Lapid - From youth movement to failed political party in 5 easy steps!
Eretz Hadasha - Let's all move to Uganda!
Green Leaf - Liberal List - No, don't roll the joint from the ballot! Put it IN the envelope! Oy.
HaBayit HaYehudi headed by Naftali Bennett -A very, very broad definition of  "Yehudi".
Hadash - Democratic Front for Peace and Equality And Also The Extermination Of The Jews From Falasteen 
Hatenua Chaired by Tzipi Livni- A fully owned subsidiary of the Democratic party of the USA
Hatikva Leshinui - Is Obama running in our elections?
Hayisraelim - Later to be serialized on Arutz 2, starring Yehuda Levy.
Israel Labor Party Chaired by Shelly Yachimovich- The last remnants of the Old Red Guard.
Kadima Chaired by Shaul Mofaz - They still exist?
Kulanu Haverim - Na Nach - This really requires no further comment.
Light  - Chaired by Yaron Yadan - Dancing into the light, all night, all night... A side effect of voting for the NaNach party and taking their pills.
Likud - Yisrael Beitenu headed by Benyamin Netanyahu - You mean we can also do attack ads? Target the right! The right I said!
Meretz - Israel's Left - Whats left of the left.
Mitkademet Liberalit Democratit - A new health insurance provider in Your area, and also a party!
Moreshet Avot - Based in the radio station, will continue defiantly broadcasting their election ads after their defeat.
Otzma Leyisrael Chaired by Arieh Eldad and Michael Ben Ari - Will inevitably try to blow up Al-Aqsa as an election day stunt.
Shas  - The future of all political parties: the totally apolitical, purely tribal lobby as a "party".
The Economics Party Chaired by Yulia Shamalov Berkovich  - See? Even penniless college students can try to compete with the establishment! Also, clowns for all!
The Green and Young for a Green Future in Israel - The first party exclusively targeted at the plant segment of the electorate.
The Pirates - they will download and crack the election, only to realize it requires a live ID registration to run.
Tzedek Hevrati - The election committee mistakenly allowed HaBdicha to register twice.
United Arab List - Arab Movement for Renewal - Arab Democratic Party - Arab Arab... Arab? Arab! /Burns tires at the entrance to Kalqiyah/
United Torah Judaism - Nearly ended up very disunited.
Koach Lehashpia Under the Direction of Rabbi Amnon Yitzhak - Similar to NaNach party, but you get to grow an antenna from your kippa if you vote for them.
We Are Brothers - Who are you again? Do I know you?
Yesh Atid Chaired by Yair Lapid - There is a future, but not for the Charedim, or the Sfaradim, or the poor, or anybody else, except for Yair Lapid, of course.
Heh. (Received via anonymous email).

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