Israel Matzav

And now for today's entertainment...

... President Obama is trapped in the Healthcare.gov website.

According to an urgent report issued today by the White House, a terrified and frantic President Obama is currently trapped inside the healthcare.gov website.

Early reports indicate the president inadvertently became physically enmeshed in the inner workings of the online health insurance exchange at approximately 11:48 a.m. this morning, and is at this very moment attempting to find any possible means of escape from the highly unstable and dangerous healthcare.gov internal network.

“Please, if anyone can hear me, I need help!” said Obama, his voice reportedly echoing endlessly in the distance as he carefully stepped along a green grid of individual and family enrollment information. “Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me? I’m Barack Obama, President of the United States of America! I need to get out of here!”

“Oh, dear God, there has to be a way out,” continued Obama, ducking as several lines of text guaranteeing coverage for preexisting conditions flew just inches above his head. “There has to be.”

According to reports, Obama has spent the last few hours stranded in a dark, seemingly infinite three-dimensional insurance matrix made entirely of programming code, scrolling ones and zeroes, and indecipherable information about government subsidies, and has as yet been unable to locate a safe exit from the digital infrastructure of healthcare.gov itself.

White House sources have confirmed that Obama is both alone and intensely frightened, and that the president may at this moment be endangered by the complicated, twisting data fields of healthcare.gov, as well as the terabytes of random eligibility notifications and policy cost estimations shooting in all directions.

Further reports have warned that any hope of extracting the president from the online marketplace may already be lost.

Those of you who have not been in the US in the past couple of months cannot truly appreciate how much this overpriced, dysfunctional website (over $600 million to develop!) has dominated the news.  Maybe they should have just asked Israel to develop it...

Read the whole thing.

Labels: Barack Hussein Obama, humor, Obamacare

posted by Carl in Jerusalem @ 11:22 AM