Israel Matzav

President Obama's next 3:00 am phone call

Ring! Ring!

“Hello? Yes, this is the president.”

“It’s me, Benjamin Netanyahu.”

“Bibi? Hi, old buddy, I was just telling Michelle that I really can stand you. Ha! Ha! (Winks at Michelle who rolls her eyes and goes back to sleep.) So what are you calling about at 3AM? I guess it’s 3AM in Israel, right?”

“No, Mr. President it is morning here. There’s a seven-hour time difference.”

“Oh, okay. What’s up?”

“Mr. President I just wanted to tell you that our planes are about to take off and bomb Iran’s nuclear installations just as you recommended.”

“What? You’re going to bomb Iran! What gave you that idea?”

“You did, Mr. President. Let me explain. You see, Mr. President, No Israeli government can tolerate a nuclear weapon in the hands of a regime that denies the Holocaust, threatens to wipe Israel off the map and sponsors terrorist groups committed to Israel’s destruction. Right?”

“That’s your view?”

“Yes, Mr. President but it’s also your view in the AIPAC speech. And we’re doing this for you and your country because A nuclear-armed Iran is completely counter to Israel’s security interests. But it is also counter to the national security interests of the United States.

“But isn’t bombing a bit drastic? How will the world react?”

“It will support us because, as you so brilliantly explained, “The entire world has an interest in preventing Iran from acquiring a nuclear weapon.”

...

“Don’t you care about what I think Israel should do?”

“Of course, Mr. President! And I’m following your advice. Iran’s leaders should have no doubt about the resolve of the United States just as they should not doubt Israel’s sovereign right to make its own decisions about what is required to meet its security needs. Indeed, your genius-level analysis of the situation forces us to bomb Iran.”

“I see.”

“And that’s precisely what we are doing. We fulfilled your request. We waited and gave sanctions a chance. But our intelligence said that Iran would be able to build a nuclear weapon last Thursday whereas your intelligence said they needed another ten days. So we split the difference and the planes are now taking off.”

“But I was only saying that to get reelected!”

“Ha, ha, Oh, Mr. President you are so funny. I’d tell that one to Ehud Barak but he’s busy directing the air strikes. And of course you did win the election after you convinced the American people that free contraceptives for everyone was more important than the collapse of the economy. Brilliantly played.”

“Thanks, Bibi. But what I really wanted was to make some deal with the Iranians so they could not build a bomb right now and just hide all the components or maybe they could just pretend to give someone else the enriched uranium and….”

“You were quite right, Mr. President. We all wanted you to succeed. But Iran didn’t do what you wanted. Very foolish of them. But we are doing precisely what you said, right?

Labels: Barack Hussein Obama, Binyamin Netanyahu, Campaign 2012, Iranian nuclear threat, Israeli attack on Iran

posted by Carl in Jerusalem @ 9:45 PM