Israel Matzav

New 'peace police' to protect Israelis from reality

In preparation for Israel's coming announcement of True, Unilateral Peace, Everlasting and Sublime, between Israel and the Palestinians, the government is introducing a new, comprehensive Peace Law which will ensure that the new Peace will be kept, "Obviously extremists on both sides are going to try and derail the Unilateral Peace Process," said spokesman for the PM, Oded Barkat, "just like they did after the Oslo Accords were signed and ever since. But this time," the spokesman said, "we will be prepared."

The new law will establish a Ministry of Peace with its own "Peace Police" whose first mission will be to protect the public from any information contradicting the government's vision of a New Middle East: "One of the big mistakes made in the previous efforts to achieve True Peace was allowing the media to report each and every fatality," said Peres, who may become the country's first "Minister of Peace", "Obviously the endless parade of burning buses and depressing funerals caused the public to question the whole process," said Peres, "Which is why this must stop."

According to the new law, over-zealous reporters who insist on conveying such information to the public will be arrested and tried by special procedure in the new "Peace Courts" which will be established by the same law.

"For instance, the shelling of cities in the south of the country is really not something that the public should worry about and it gives them the exact opposite impression of Peace, In fact, to many people it looks like War," Peres said, "of course that is illegal or will be soon."

Talking about such anti-peace events in private will also be illegal. A network of informers will be constructed, headed by the Jewish Division in the Israel Security Service which will be moved to the new Ministry of Peace and renamed: "The Division for Peace and Security".

"We will have True Peace in this country if we have to spy on every god-damned Jew in the nation," Peres said, "an informer for every worker is my new motto." (Hebrew link).

posted by Carl in Jerusalem @ 3:49 PM